Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
