i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize