I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
