He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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