Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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