No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
