and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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