we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
