she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I AM VODKA MAN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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