Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
