please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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