but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
