i can't believe i had my finger in that
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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