After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
