1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
40s are totally the cure
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
