i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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