Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
