I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
