Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
