dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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