i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
