How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Mom said you looked used
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
