True but thats because hes a fetus.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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