We're facebook friends in real life
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
