I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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