Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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