Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
