I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
