Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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