Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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