I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
dude. I can hear the air.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
