Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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