I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
