You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
