Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
