CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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