we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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