I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
