I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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