Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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