the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
