: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
