i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
