If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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