Jerry, you need to find god
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
