just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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