His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
