oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
