remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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