Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
