I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
