remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
