Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
