haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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