I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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