And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
