Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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