i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
