I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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