No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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