My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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