Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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