Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
