Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
