Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize