dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
