Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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