Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
