Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
