He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
