The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize