it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
