You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
