booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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