you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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