ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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