He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
